Zombie Panda Wants BRAAAINS! Or, What I Did For Love

I was reading the CRAFT blog when I happened upon a crochet-along that caught my fancy. I can (technically) crochet, but haven’t for ages, and was thinking of proving that I still got it.

My daughter saw the brushed amigurumi panda, and she wanted it for her own. Who was I to deny her? I loved that she demanded something that is not available at Target and does not have Hannah Montana’s face on it. And did I mention that I can (technically) crochet? I would do this, I said. I am a good mother, this implied. I would crochet a panda.

This is what the original looks like:

Fuzzy Panda

You can see the appeal. It’s precious, pink, fluffy, and begging to be hugged. It beats real pandas all hollow.  It is the next evolutionary step in panda.

This is what my painstakingly crafted version looks like:

Zombie Panda 1

Zombie panda always be eatin BRAAAINS

You can see the appeal. The nose is misshapen at best, the eyes are at different heights, it is more matted than fluffy, and it is begging to taste your delicious brains.

I will, um, not be adding this photo to the CRAFT Crochet-Along Flickr pool.

How did I go wrong?

1. In every way.

Zombie Panda 3

Yeah I said I wanted BRAAAINS. What? Did I STUTTER?

2. By combining my hatred of finishing techniques with my bare minimum of crocheting skills (step 3: Profit!).

3. By trying to crochet during I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant followed by Toddlers & Tiaras. (Who could concentrate on proper panda eye placement while college freshmen are giving birth in dorm bathroom stalls and two-year-olds are being spray-tanned by beauty queens manquées with delusions of grandeur?)

4. By not watching any of the extremely helpful step-by-step crocheting and assembling videos provided by the designer, because I am so good at crochet and have made so many amazing crochet pandas that this would of course have been a waste of time.

5. In short, I should have seen this coming from very far away.

This was not the pattern’s fault. It is a great, clearly-written pattern, and you should try it. This was a pure me failure. Luckily, my daughter — who is home sick — loves it, as soft-hearted people will always love ugly things.

001

The Zombie Panda has found a friend and calmed his hunger for BRAAAINS. Or has he??

In other news, I am trying to head off my inevitable failure at Nonpareil by actually doing what I am supposed to.

Are you seated?

Gaze upon my mighty swatch!
Tweed Swatch

I washed and blocked this swatch (in Knit Picks City Tweed HW Tabby, if you are curious). That is how serious I am about knitting this sweater right.

This time it will be BRAAAINS